Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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