some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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