I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
