I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
