You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
