Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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