he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
