Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
