it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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