why didn't you poke me back
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
