I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
