I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
