I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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