Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
