i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
