and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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