Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
