I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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