your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
