Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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