Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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