Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
