yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
