My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
