She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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