hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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