i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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