a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
