Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
