I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
