Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sarcasm needs its own font
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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