69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
