...so i touched it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
