his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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