I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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