So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
