i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
