i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
