my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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