i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
