This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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