woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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