my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
