worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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