When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
