if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
