On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
