I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
