she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
