I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
