Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
